To Have Her Back
by Chibi Yachiru-chan
Summary: ByaSana. (Hisana reincarnated) Summary: ...because she's still so much the same Hisana. Except for one thing-she isn't HIS Hisana anymore.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I did, Hisana wouldn't be dead. Or maybe I would've found a way to bring her back! *sighs***

**A/N: This was previously intended to be a one-shot but it's turned out to be way longer than I expected. Plus, it's been sitting half-finished on my laptop for weeks now. And it was literally begging me to get out there so I decided to split it into chapters and post whatever I had written. Hopefully I'll finish it soon.**

**Also it might be a little frustrating but I had this sudden urge to write something in present tense so that's how it's turned out to be like this.**

**Anyway, read on…**

* * *

To Have Her Back…

The long line of new recruits with starry eyes makes him want to sigh. The introductions are the most utterly boring activity of the year end, more because Kuchiki Byakuya couldn't care less to remember all those names and faces. But a job is a job. So he stands there, wearing his stoic, impassive mask of zero expression and observes. The lieutenant is just as lively as ever, handing out the papers, greeting the nervous bunch of new shinigamis with his same wide grin. For a second, the captain closes his eyes, wondering what it is about this particular activity that interests his subordinate so much. But then, Renji has always been the same curious kind. He makes friends real quick.

A little pause compels him to open his eyes. The red-head is staring at the next candidate in an almost dumbstruck manner. He casually shifts his gaze from his gawking face to the person concerned.

Freeze.

Stare.

Gape.

Blink.

Come back to normal.

It's hardly been a tenth of a second as Kuchiki Byakuya loses and gains his composure. A tenth of a second that has felt like ages. A tenth of a second that has triggered a hurricane inside of him.

"Rukia…" Renji blurts, still staring wide-eyed at the person in front of him.

"Pardon?" the candidate blinks, clearly uneasy under his stare.

"Oh… wait," he looks down at the paper held in his hand, scanning the picture and the name of the recruit. "You're… Takahashi… Hisana?"

Freeze.

Stare.

Gape.

Blink.

Come back to normal.

It's a hard struggle to keep the composure when the normally I-couldn't-care-less-captain's inner self is now in a state of turmoil. The lieutenant shoots him a fleeting glance which is returned by a cold, meaningful stare. He jerks his head back to the confused woman and shoves the paper in her hand.

"I'm sorry… Takahashi," he scratches his head and grins sheepishly. "Welcome to the sixth division."

She nervously nods at the tall red-head with a tiny smile, a little comforted. "Thank you."

Kuchiki Byakuya can't stand it but he freezes right there as she makes her way over to him and bows. "Kuchiki taichou."

He does not reply. She looks up at his blank face, a little hurt and a lot scared. He finally gives a very slight nod and she turns away, walking faster; more to get away from the condescending captain than to catch up with the others. She has heard more than enough about her division's cold captain. Yet the firsthand encounter hasn't helped a little shudder that runs down her spine at the thought of having to work under him. At least the vice-captain seems like a more approachable person… _kind of warm_—she ponders as she follows the line going through the division barracks.

* * *

"Renji," he calls for his subordinate, who enters at once, as if he's been waiting on his haunches.

"Hai, Kuchiki taichou," he stands in a stiff posture which is unusual for his most recklessly less-than-formal ways.

"I believe you understand the situation," he says, tiredly closing his eyes.

"Yes, taichou," he replies in a flat tone. "I understand."

It is an unwritten yet absolute rule of soul society to never mention a person's past life to him/her irrespective of what the situation is. And this isn't a very grave one. At least for everyone else _but_ Kuchiki Byakuya. He stares at the red-head for a long moment, studying his face before he finally nods.

"Good," he says in a monotone. "I entrust you to see to it then."

He nods and walks out, knowing by the look on the superior's face that another word concerning the matter might just pull him off the edge. He knows better than that. So he decides to leave it on time to run its course and see how things turn out. Though, on the other hand, he has little faith that things will settle down as they are. Time can't heal all wounds. And people do not always follow the rules. Working with the stoic man for so long has given him at least that much of an insight. Under all that strict, law-abiding demeanor, there is a soft, caring _person_. He never makes it obvious, but people do know.

He bumps into someone when he's walking without paying much attention. He can't blink as the splitting image of his best friend flashes through his mind and he's about to blurt something stupid again before the not-so-familiar voice breaks his reverie of thoughts.

"I-I am so sorry, Abarai fukutaichou," she stammers. "I wasn't looking…"

"Ah, no, sorry. My bad," he grins his signature sheepish grin, which in turn sends a tiny smile across her face as she bows and walks away.

Warm and cold. That is the contrast between her two superiors. She wonders what it is that makes her look forward to assuming work in the division so much. Spotting a familiar face around the bend, she shrugs off the thought. It is but natural to be curious about the superiors, especially when one of the personalities is such a handsome, eerie loner. _It's nothing more than genuine curiosity_. She reassures herself as one of her friends from the academy waves at her and she makes her way through the crowd.

* * *

Kuchiki Byakuya has never been one to mix up. He despises going to parties and gatherings. He'd rather even avoid the meetings if they weren't all that obligatory. Yet, there he sits in his quiet corner, wondering for a hundredth time what made him except the invitation on the graduation party. He is tired of the wary glances being shot in his direction every now and then. The news is around. There are people who had known Hisana in her previous life and it's no surprise there is tension lingering in their eyes every time they look at her or him.

She's as lively as ever. She smiles, she laughs, she blabbers with her friends. It's nice to just sit and watch her happily bustling about. She's always stood out in the crowd; like a kindle of light surrounded by a swarm. He stares for long with casual, yet unblinking eyes. She's still charming, cheerful, bright and beautiful. She's still so much the same Hisana. Except for one thing—she isn't _his_ Hisana anymore.

He does not look up as a white-haired man comes to stand by his side. After a long moment of no response, he sighs and slides down next to him.

"Ukitake," Byakuya speaks in a low voice, not meeting his eyes. "If you are concerned about my new subordinate, you can rest assured. I know the rules."

The tired man smiles at the hard-faced young man. He hasn't changed a bit. But he can't help wondering how long he can hold out in that state. He has no doubts in his decorum, yet he does not have faith in the situation. But there is little anyone can do about it. He believes it to be best to let time sort its way through the tangles.

It's a surprise for many that the captain of the sixth squad has graced the party with his presence. Few know the truth behind it. She passes drinks around and her eyes trace their way back to where one of her friends has been constantly throwing glances. The captain is sitting with a very blank look on his face. She must be imagining the intent look in those slate grey eyes just a moment ago. She smiles a very tiny smile at him as her heart skips a beat and turns around before the creeping shade of red becomes too evident on her face. She must definitely be day-dreaming if she saw a hint of an answering smile on his face.

The woman does not even realize she's stomping all over his heart—the beating thing he had been so oblivious to for this long that it hurts when it skips a beat or gallops at a pace faster than his shunpo. Before long, he gives up. There is a limit to how much he can take in a day. It's time he headed to the manor to get some sleep—even though he is very clearly reverting back to his state of insomnia, but on account of a very different reason.

She steps out into the dense night air after bidding goodnight to all her friends. She needs sleep, yet there is some place she should be heading to. She sighs, slowly dragging herself under the dark moonless sky. A strange feeling tweaks her senses and she is suddenly alert.

Kuchiki Byakuya is no stalker. He _actually_ just happened to pass by when his senses picked up a trail of her reiatsu leading towards Rukongai. And the little devil called curiosity always gets the better of everybody. He isn't _following_ her. He is merely observing. And then suddenly, she disappears in a flash from right in front of him where she was walking a few paces ahead and before he can make out, he's down on the ground, a katana drawn at his throat from behind.

She lets out a loud gasp as she recognizes the person she has pinned down. In one swift movement, she's on her feet, bowing deeply.

"My deepest apologies, Kuchiki taichou," she says frantically. "I… I-I thought I was being followed. I am so very sorry."

"I happened to be taking a walk, Takanishi," Kuchiki Byakuya was only passing by. He was _not_ following her. He reassures himself.

"Uh, it's Takahashi, Kuchiki taichou," she mumbles, a little embarrassed. "You can call me Hisana… if that is okay."

How can he call her _that_? The one overly familiar name he hasn't uttered in decades. The woman really doesn't seem to care she's stomping all over his heart.

She sees him nod slightly before he turns away. She's a little grateful of the dark that conceals her deeply reddening face. Why did she suddenly have this urge to hear him say her name? Still, it's better that he didn't. She wonders what her reaction would have been. Something tells her she wouldn't be able to react if that happened!

* * *

She does not particularly like zanjutsu, although she is good at kidou. But the process of seating them requires showcasing the best of all their skills. Needless to say, she is nervous as she watches the captain bring down each one of the new recruits without having to even move from his spot. He's way stronger than she has heard and she can't help but admire him greatly.

"Next," the lieutenant yawns, clearly bored of doing nothing. But when he reads out the next name, his eyes are suddenly alert as they dart back and forth between the captain and the candidate. "Takahashi."

Byakuya stares at the petite woman as she stands up from where she has been sitting in the group. She's clearly nervous… maybe a bit scared as well. He briefly considers asking the lieutenant to take his place. He cannot fight Hisana. Not even in a drill. But the idea of having the brazen vice-captain test her skills is even more repulsive. So he nods as the woman takes in a deep breath and bows in front of him before unsheathing her zanpakutou.

She looks so very fragile. Her pale skin and mass of silky black hair. But the one thing that holds his attention are her eyes. They're the same as he has remembered in his dreams night after night. The same shade of purple with a tinge of blue. A color he cannot explain in words. They're deep, very deep and beautiful like nothing else. Her smile is still so much the same—capable of paralyzing him on the spot. She's still charming, cheerful, bright and beautiful. She's still so much the same Hisana. Except for one thing—she isn't _his_ Hisana anymore.

His katana flies from his hand and the tip of her blade is now pointed inches from his throat. When did she manage to do that? He has no idea. A few of the squad members cheer and clap but they don't hear or see anything while their eyes are so fixed onto each other's.

She smiles her tiny smile before drawing back her sword and sheathing it. She knows the captain did not even attempt to fight her. The victory wasn't hers. It's an odd feeling—how adrenaline suddenly surged through her seeing his deep slate grey eyes so intent on her. Truth be told, even she has no idea when she managed to unarm him. She smiles at her friends as they clap her back and cheer for her. Her mind is lost in thought. What was that feeling a moment ago? She had felt like she couldn't break free from the intense contact of eyes that made her stomach twist in an uneasy manner.

There is a moment of hesitation before she can bring herself to knock on the door and announce her name. The deep voice grants permission from the other side. She takes in a deep breath and closes her eyes before sliding the door open and stepping in. The captain is buried into paperwork.

"Ku-Kuchiki taichou," she takes another step. He looks up with a blank across his face. "Can I talk to you? Just a moment?"

He stares at her, trying to read her innocent face and then nods slightly.

"I… Kuchiki taichou, you let me win on purpose today, didn't you?" she looks on the floor, trying to keep the heat from her face. "You did not really fight me."

Kuchiki Byakuya has never been one to explain his reasons. He is definitely taken aback by the boldness with which she so outrightly asks him the truth. That is how he has always known Hisana. So innocently honest and straightforward.

"I merely lost my concentration, Taka… hashi," he tries to bury himself behind the stack of papers again but the shuffling of her feet compels him to look up. She is right in front of him, the only distance between them is the table.

She can see a little hint of surprise on his otherwise inanimate face and for once, that gives her a sense of accomplishment. She wonders what it is about the man that arouses such emotions in her that are yet too complex to be deciphered. She smiles, leaning in at the table and then murmurs in a low voice.

"I told you, Kuchiki taichou, you can call me Hisana," her voice has a slight undertone of a request. "… if remembering Takahashi is a problem."

What she adds belatedly holds little significance as he sits unmoving and watches her go. There is something very nostalgic about the whole situation. She's almost at the door, and this is the only chance he can take.

"Hisana," his voice comes out in barely more than a whisper and he's sure it's okay, because she wouldn't be able to hear it. But he's forced to look up when a low gasp escapes her throat. She's staring back at him in utter surprise, a bit of confusion and probably a hint of satisfaction. And then the angelic smile spreads on her face that is too hard for him to take his eyes off. It's already struggle to maintain his composure. And yet the little hue of red on her pale cheeks makes it impossible for him to conceal that tiniest of the tiny smiles which graces his features like once in a blue moon. The wide blue-tinged-purple orbs are shiny as she chuckles at the ticklish feeling in the pit of her stomach and exits. He shifts in his chair to redo the stack of papers he was pretending to be busy with. They sure are messed up. He was way too distracted to have known what he was writing. He holds back a sigh as he wonders for the umpteenth time how long he can take things as they are right now. For she is still so much the same Hisana. Except for one thing—she isn't _his_ Hisana anymore.

* * *

**A/N: Liked it? Hated it? Mind telling me? Well, reviews could help the next chapter come out faster xD**

**I'll update as soon as I can get the right words for the ideas in my head x_x also, after the exams, when brain-sama is out vacationing, it's a little hard to crawl to my laptop and actually sit down to do something! But I shall most sincerely **_**try**_**. It feels good to be back though B)**

**So thank you for reading!**

**Please leave a review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. I would be a genius named Tite Kubo if I did… and oh well, everybody knows I'm not!**

**A/N: ah, sorry for taking so long to update. Wonderful reviews I got, though. I must thank all the reviewers and favorite/followers. But I was just stuck with this idea in my head and couldn't quite sit down and type it. So I'm sorry if that reluctance reflects in the chapter! Well, it's following a sequence but there are breaks. So I'd leave it on the readers to connect the dots 'cause trying to maintain the flow by filling in those gaps would have been awkward writing and that would further worsen it.**

**Anyway, read on… and maybe leave a review if you'd like? :3**

* * *

It's a day off. A bad day off. For many, many reasons. One, Kuchiki Byakuya hasn't learnt how to rest. It's good paperwork keeps him busy, but now that he has none, and no other productive activities to keep him preoccupied, his mind hangs back into a half-dormant state, idly yet obsessively skimming over the sole source of his distraction from everything else. He isn't obsessed. No, Kuchiki Byakuya isn't so weak as to give in to worthless emotions and be obsessed. It's just that there aren't many hobbies that would appeal to him. Well, he could always practice more of his calligraphy… (or bake those seaweed-ambassador-shaped-cookies!) But, no, he doesn't find the least bit of satisfaction in those activities anymore.

So there is curiosity. There is brooding. There is ample time at hand. And there is Hisana. Well, for all the self-reassurances, there is quite enough of curiosity to move him. So he isn't stalking, just observing. While Hisana goes about giving away candies to those little children dressed in rags, he masks his reiatsu and follows her around the dingy streets of Rukongai. She has a smile on her face that is brighter than that sun shining in the distance. That is how he has always known Hisana. Happiest when giving away, never asking for anything in return. It's just the way she had always been. Yes, she's still so much the same Hisana. But, alas, for one thing—she isn't _his_ Hisana anymore.

An untidy little kid stumbles towards her and kisses her cheek when she bends down to him, snatching the offered candy and running away, blushing furiously. Hisana laughs lightly. That ringing melody sending a wave of warmth through the currently-hiding-behind-a-tree captain Kuchiki's being.

But there is a slight undertone of desperation in her eyes which he only notices when he's been staring at her for long enough. Sometimes, her eyes dart from child to child as if searching for something in those innocently untidy faces. Everything… almost everything about this scene is one big nostalgic picture.

It's funny how one loses track of time when engrossed in a consuming activity. But Kuchiki Byakuya is no stalker. He wouldn't concern himself with such a lowly activity as stalking. What he is doing is observation out of curiosity. The frenzy in her movements is now becoming a little more evident. The anxiety is surfacing almost like an inverse proportionality to the sun sinking into the horizon. There is restlessness and snappish essence in her body-language.

Kuchiki Byakuya is no stalker. For the hundredth time, he reassures himself as he silently watches her sweep through the deserted streets of Rukongai frantically, restlessly. The stars in the dark, moonless sky have become her companions while she searches… searches every single day without success, yet, her faith never falters. And he silently follows her, masking his reiatsu with kidou. Seeing her in such a disheveled state, he wants to find out what it is that's killing her inside. She searches, and he follows. There is such a sense of urgency in her swift, agitated movements, it is making him just as restless. And then, finally, he sees her break down, collapse in the middle of the dusty street as the tears flow down and sobs choke her throat. Her whole body jerks as she draws short, ragged breaths. That is the final straw. If one thing there is that has never left his nightmares, it's _this_ Hisana—broken, frail, vulnerable. It tears him apart. He hadn't known how to handle that then, and he doesn't know how to handle this now.

She sees him step out from the shadows and tries to gather herself together, her mind too numb to register any surprise. He kneels down next to her and places a hand on her shoulder. And as if it were a trigger to a tempest gaining strength under a constant push-down pressure, she falls to pieces.

He doesn't know how long she has sobbed into his robes, he doesn't know how long he has held himself in place and resisted the urge to pull her tighter to himself and never let her go. With all the strength he has left in him, he comforts her. But he doesn't seem to know how long… how long has it been, and how long is it going to be… he doesn't know…

Her sobs become lighter. Tears run dry. She pulls away. He lets her.

"I'm… I'm sorry… Kuch-Kuchiki tai… chou," her hoarse voice finally comes out in a whisper.

"There is no need to be sorry, Hisana," he says, as calmly as he can. "And you can… call me Byakuya."

She looks up at him. And then nods. Just when she thought she couldn't go on anymore, there he was… providing her with the little comfort and warmth her soul has been starving for.

"What is it, Hisana, that is bothering you?" he asks after a moment of silence. God bless him if he'd be able to sleep at all without knowing it.

She stares into the distance for a long, long moment, not saying anything. But he stays. He knows by that look. He knows she will speak.

"I've been having nightmares, Byakuya-sama…" she whispers. "There's this child that's crying. And I keep running away. I don't know what it is but… it's like there is a soul that's drawing me to itself… I don't know. It just keeps pulling me back to this place. And I don't even _know_ who it is that I'm searching for…"

He squints at her pained expression through the dark. And just when he thinks he gets it, she speaks again…

"These memories… they're just erased—completely… gone. But it's not just the memories that mark you, right. There's this soul… and there are these emotions and connections… how can they erase that… it's going to stay as long as the soul stays. Maybe… maybe it's someone from my life in the living world… who knows if it might be my own child that I'm searching for…"

She looks at him with a slight questioning look. He just stares back at her as if he's just been punched in the gut. _Maybe… maybe it's someone from my life in the living world… who knows if it might be my own child that I'm searching for…_

A silent noise… of scraping off of any hopes that lingered in some deep corner of his heart. And he just stares at her. Of all things he did consider, it never passed his mind that she had a whole different life. A whole different family. _People_ in her life. A life that did not include him.

"It… might… be so… Takahashi," he finally speaks, agitating under that stare of hers. For all he knows, he can't deny to her that little hope that livens up those captivating violet eyes that he's never forgotten. "That… makes quite a… convincing hypothesis."

Innocent. So very innocent. And still so much the same. She still cares, cares unconditionally; she still loves, loves whole-heartedly; she still gives, gives selflessly; and yet she still grieves… grieves endlessly… grieves over the memories that should have long been erased.

And he knows he can't do it anymore. So much that he can take in a day. If only she knew what her words meant to him… but she is still so very innocent. Still so much the same Hisana. Except for one glaringly clear fact—not _his_ Hisana anymore.

* * *

He can see the sorrow in her red-rimmed eyes as she hands him the papers, smiling a pained smile. She is still so beautiful. He stares at her for a second too long before taking the papers.

"Hisana," he calls from behind as she walks to the door. "Are you alright?"

Her eyes widen just a slight bit at the supposed concern of the captain. Since when has he been one to care?

"No, I'm not alright, Byakuya-sama," she turns around and smiles at him. It's not a very hearty smile, but it's still genuine. "But there is nothing that can be done about it right now."

He likes the way she has always been so honest. You can take away a person's memories, but you can't take away the soul. For that reason, she's still so much the same Hisana. Except for one thing—she isn't _his_ Hisana anymore.

"If that is the case, you can go, Hisana," he says, turning his back to her. He can't let her see him like this. "There isn't much work here."

"But…" she looks around. As much as she'd like to, she can actually see there is way too much work and for all the wreck her life might be right now, she's never been the one to shrug off her duties.

"Go, Hisana," his face hardens as he finally looks back at her.

She bows, not protesting. For once, she is thankful. She still needs to continue her search. The more time, the better. He collapses back in his chair, sighing as he turns to work. He knows where she is headed; and as much as he'd like to follow her, he can't… not anymore. Kuchiki Byakuya cannot continue to exist like this. Like a lonely little pup watching his way for someone to return. He just cannot. He cannot grieve forever. He cannot bear the hurt and pain forever. His heart is all wrenched up—she's there but at the same time, she's not there. Because she's still so much the same Hisana. Except for one thing—she isn't _his_ Hisana anymore.

* * *

It's common knowledge the red-haired vice-captain has issues with showing up on time. The captain gave up trying to discipline him long time back. Through all these years, he's grown used to it enough to sit unperturbed and continue his mundane work without so much as sending a cold stare in his direction. The red-head moves about and around his table with a restlessness that is quite a characteristic of his as much as his warm, yet awkward presence is.

"Taichou," he says, abruptly walking over to his table. Sitting there, without looking up, the captain knows his subordinate would still go on even if he were not acknowledged. It's a matter of habit that has comfortably established a code of their actions which otherwise might look arrogant. But that is how it has always been with them.

"Kuchiki taichou," he says again and receives a slight glance, signaling him to continue what he has to say.

"Taichou, I finished a stack of papers due for the thirteenth division yesterday… I can't find them…"

The impassive captain promptly puts down his quill and gets up, walking over to the red-head's desk. Reckless, yes, Renji is. Very reckless. But he isn't irresponsible. Misplacing a stack of another divisions' papers is quite a deal when it comes to his division. Renji would know the consequences well enough to shudder at the thought of senbonzakura. He looks over at the papers on his desk and then looks back at the awkwardly searching red-head.

"Renji, I believe Hisa—Taka… hashi took a stack of papers from your desk," he says, sighing mentally as he realizes he'd been dumbstruck enough to not check what papers she was taking when he was too mesmerized in her eyes. But then how could he help it with that smile that played on her lips! He resists the urge to shake his head in an attempt to clear his head of her thoughts. "She might be delivering them back to the division."

"Shit," the red-head blurts, too shocked to mind his tongue in front of the noble. "Ku-Kuchiki taichou… Takahashi… went to… the _thirteenth_ squad."

Maybe he was too reeled into his own gloomy world of thoughts to have cared enough. Maybe he was brooding way deeper to have realized at once why his subordinate had that look on his face. The words sink in one by one, slowly and then, the meaning. He shoots him a single, piercing glance. A knowing expression and a slight nod between the two and the red-head is off in a flash.

Kuchiki Byakuya has never acted so pathetically lost and clueless. It is embarrassing and infuriating for himself. He collapses back in his chair, wondering if his skilled subordinate will be able to avert the disaster he had unconsciously set on. This is all he can do… hope while berating self for being such a fool.

* * *

Her hands seem to move of their own accord as she moves towards the puny raven-haired girl staring wide-eyed at her.

"Rukia…" her voice is a rough whisper. For once, her mind seems to know her, her face, her name. She does not understand anymore. Reason would say she couldn't possibly know the girl she has only seen for the first time, yet she can't deny she knows her. She does not understand anymore. Reason would say she shouldn't be acting like she is but her arms pull the surprised girl in an embrace as tears flood down her cheeks. She doesn't understand anymore. Reason would say she is being downright ridiculous, yet she can't seem to have control of herself. She just doesn't understand anymore. Reason would say a lot of things but her soul now knows what it has been searching for all along… she is right there… and yet, she doesn't understand.

"Takahashi…" she hears a familiar voice and as if snapping from a dream state, she jerks away. The red-haired vice-captain is standing right behind her. She wipes off the tears on her sleeves and apologizes to the lieutenant of the thirteenth division who is still staring agape at her.

"Hi-Hisana-sama—" she blurts before her best friend cuts her off.

"Rukia, this is Takahashi… Hisana," he introduces, his hand lightly squeezing her shoulder and shoots her a fleeting glance. "She just joined our division a month back."

"Takahashi, this is Kuchiki Rukia," he introduces her formally, even though he has already witnessed everything. "She's the lieutenant to thirteenth division. And also Kuchiki taichou's younger sister."

Both the raven-haired women are too dumbstruck to really register anything but Renji, determined to avoid the blunder as best he can, drags Rukia away blabbering something about a mission and she follows, unable to think or act.

Hisana stands in the corridor, watching the two trail away, rather one tugging the other away. _Kuchiki… Rukia… _her mind plays the one name over and over. _Rukia… Kuchiki… Rukia…_ the girl looks over her shoulder one last time to meet her eyes before the red-head pulls her around the bend and they disappear from sight.

At long last, her frozen body seems to be getting a sense of life back and her head starts to race. A blur of what just happened. A blur of every nightmare that has jerked her from her sleep in cold beads of sweat ever since she'd come to live in Soul Society. A blur of all the tugging and lashing her soul has been suffering. And then, everything is a blur as her feet carry her out into the open faster than she's ever been.

Hisana has never been the prying types. Never has she ever paid mind to any kinds of rumors. Straightforward and honest—that is what she has always prided herself for being. But that doesn't mean she can't collect information once she puts her mind to it. It doesn't take long before she has a few ragged pieces of the jigsaw from the rumors. Some pieces fit, some don't, and there are a lot of gaps left to fill in. But she has the basics from where to start. Drawing a long, deep breath, she gathers all her nerves and heads back.

* * *

"Byakuya-sama," her voice is stiff, as if she's trying to keep it from shaking. "There is something here concerning me that you've been keeping secret."

He has a knowing look on his face, yet he's utterly confused. She stares at him straight in the eye, determined to get it all out of him. He shudders mentally as his mind counts the possible number of things that her words might mean.

"I thought they were all rumors and I'm still not sure if they are…" she takes in a deep breath and pours out everything all at once. "Rukia… what is her relation to me? There is _definitely_ something don't try to deny it—because I can _feel_ it. Tell me, Byakuya-sama. You know something about my past life, don't you? What is my relation to Rukia? What is my relation to… you?"

Her voice trembles at the last words and she's visibly shaking all over, trying to hold back the tears that are brimming on the edges now. He looks at her with forlorn eyes but doesn't say a word.

"I have to know, Byakuya-sama, I… I _need_ to know," she's pleading, making it that much harder for him to restrain himself. He can't meet her eyes. She looks at him in despair and then closes her eyes.

"Please," she whispers. "It's painful, Byakuya-sama. It… it hurts to have my memories gone yet these emotions remain. It's like I'm clinging onto something that is _there_ but I can't figure it out. It feels empty. And it really hurts, Byakuya-sama. Please. Tell me. I need to know…"

Her voice trails off and she breaks into sobs that she's been trying to suppress. He hates to see her so agitated, so vulnerable. Yet, there are rules that can't be broken. He's torn between the two and he can't seem to understand what to do next. She's trying to muffle her sobs but the tears just keep streaming down. And then he sighs. He's tired of playing on the lines of this sick game. He decides he has to end it. Because he can't take it any more than she can. There isn't any harm in letting her conclude things for herself without divulging the facts. He's thought about it plenty. She looks up to see him close the distance between them and then walk past her.

"Come, Hisana," his voice is tender, yet he wouldn't turn around to face her. She wipes away the tears and nods, following him.

They walk in silence through the giant gates of Kuchiki manor. She instantly has a feeling of uneasiness and a very eerie familiarity as she quietly follows his steps through the maze of corridors and halls.

"This is my dead wife, Hisana's portrait," he signals to the top of the mantelpiece.

It takes her a minute to realize she isn't staring in a mirror but a portrait. Another minute later, the impact hits her face first as she gapes. _How can that even be possible?_ She stares hard at the picture, as if that could somehow change the truth in front of her. With a very slow motion, she finally turns around only to find him gone.

For one thing now she knows why things are the way they are. She takes off running out of the manor as fast as she can. Tears sting the corners of her eyes as the wind lashes back at her face. Now she understands… understands where those emotions stem from… understands why she feels the way she does… and she also understands one thing clearly… that for all the eerie resemblance she bears to his dead wife, she is probably nothing more than an abominable imposter to him. She isn't the same Hisana. She isn't _his_ Hisana.

* * *

Perhaps if he hadn't been so distracted by the war his inner self was at, he wouldn't have taken more than a minute to defeat the monster he was facing and get the mission over with. Over all those years of training and experience, he has learnt that one split second of losing concentration in a battle is enough to cost him his life. And yet, he is falling, taking the hit twice from the monster who wouldn't even be worth releasing his shikai for. And then there is a blur of orange and black and before he can get back on his feet, the monster has started crumbling into dust, a zanpakutou slashing neatly through its middle.

"Yo, Byakuya," the orange-haired shinigami daiko greets in his usual way, devoid of any respect.

"Kurosaki Ichigo," he acknowledges, trying as best to maintain his dignified posture.

"What's with that look, teme," he glares as a reply to the steady, cold stare. "Act a little grateful."

"I see no reason why I should be doing so," he states matter-of-factly.

"What was that, you," the teen frowns at the stoic man's unfazed expression. "I just saved your sorry ass."

"Do not get carried away, Kurosaki Ichigo," he replies coldly. "To live to see a day being saved by the likes of you… is a very scornful idea."

"Teme," he stares before smirking like a bastard. "You just would never admit you are in my debt, heh."

"I have clearly expressed my gratitude towards you when I was in the wrong."

"Hah! So you do admit to being an asshole back then."

"Being… in the wrong," Byakuya hesitates, trying to ignore his abominable selection of undignified vocabulary. "But you shall appreciate the reason for that was elusive. Nobles have the responsibility of abiding by the rules and setting an example for others to follow. And I shall stand by that."

"Fuck you and your rules. You'll remain an asshole for the rest of your life, thanks to all those stupid rules," Ichigo shrugs, tucking his hands into his pockets. "I'd rather chase what I want to the depths of hell than be a hypocrite and do what others think is right."

"Are you suggesting that your judgment is more important and above the good of the whole world?" the noble stares coldly at the orange-head.

"Hell if I know what you mean," he says as he starts to walk away. "I'm just saying it would be better to die trying than to live without what you really want."

"You say absurd things, Kurosaki Ichigo," Byakuya turns away, his lips setting into a very tiny upward curve that can only be called a smile if examined through a magnifier.

"Absurd, my ass. You're just an asshole," he casually tosses over his shoulder.

Kuchiki Byakuya doesn't turn back to retort at the successive insults the brat spits. He's known him enough to feel offended by his language or the way he acknowledges him with almost no respect whatsoever and get into a futile war of words. There have been more than enough such bickerings and God bless him, he knows to draw a lesson out of it. On the contrary, he does always seem to give his mind some food for thought. The boy doesn't even seem to fathom the depths of his own words, spouting them as everyday facts, yet it is amusing how it always ends up reeling his mind for days. Someday, someday, Kurosaki Ichigo… someday Kuchiki Byakuya would get back to you and return all the favor. Someday, he will have enough docility to express his gratitude. Someday…

As he walks back into Seireitei, it all becomes very clear in his head_. To live without what you really want_… Never before, has it occurred to him how he wants to spend his life. But for one thing, he doesn't want to have it without her. The memories of past lives are erased for a good reason—that would make the transition easier. But what are they to do with the soul that carries the imprints of all those lives that remain engraved on it even through death. That soul… Hisana. In the end, it all comes down to one thing—to have her back… that would mean the world to him. Because in the end, it is only a question of winning her over once again.

* * *

"Marry me, Hisana," he says. It's not a proposition, not a question, not an order and not a statement. She stares at him across from where she's sitting cross-legged. The sun drowning at the horizon casts a red glow onto her pale skin, emboldening her otherwise soft features. She blinks, her face is blank, as if she can't think. After a moment of staring, frantically searching his face for something—_any_thing… she bursts out into an awkward half-laugh. This has to be some kind of a joke! After all, Byakuya is a master at pokerface. She _knows_ it is some stupid joke and he just isn't good enough to make it sound like one.

"You…" she laughs, throwing back her head and closing her eyes to keep the tears that are now threatening to evidence her emotions from falling. "That… Byakuya-sama, you are so _bad_ at joking… I mean…"

Byakuya kneels down in front of her, his calm expression showing hints of impatience. She looks at him, still trying to read his face. That is, before he catches her tiny face in his warm hands, throwing her world upside down so bad that she can't tell the thudding of her heart from the knots in her stomach anymore. For one short second, his lips capture hers before he pulls back, leaving her utterly shocked, bewildered and gasping in surprise.

"I do not repeat myself, Hisana," he _smiles_. "But… please… marry me… once again."

This time, it's more like a request. A giggle escapes her throat in a bubble before she can stop. He stares at her with surprise. He's seen her smile, he's heard her laugh. But a _giggle…_ well, that is amusing. No one can _ever_ make her giggle like he did just now. It is something he would keep to himself.

"I… I'm so sorry, Byakuya-sama," she covers her mouth with her hand, a very evident blush on her face. "I… what's this all of a sudden? You… aren't serious?"

He does not say another word, but the look in his soft grey eyes is enough of an answer for her. She stands up, looking down on the ground and tugs at his sleeve.

"What if I were to decline?" she asks in a low voice.

"Will you?" he smiles as she looks up at him, letting the one tear she had held back roll down her cheek.

He takes her tiny hand in his warm one and they walk back without another word. Her smile is enough of an answer. He doesn't need anything anymore. Because she's still so much the same Hisana. And for one thing—she has always… _forever and always_… been _his_ Hisana.

* * *

**A/N: well, I hope it wasn't too disappointing after such a long wait? I apologize.**

**Byakuya's characterization might have gotten a bit OOC but well, it is ****_Hisana_**** we're talking about, he has to be hopelessly in love with her!**

**So anyway, that's it now I think I'm gonna take a little break from writing anything at all seeing as how it's been getting pretty bad lately. Especially ****_Byakuya_****! I'm done writing Byakuya for a long, long time now! Even though he's one of my favorite Bleach characters, I'm tired of trying to write him x_x**

**So anyway, thank you for reading!**

**Please leave a review.**


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